Words that heal

by Deepak Chopra

There is a long tradition, both East and West, about sacred words. We don’t resort to that kind of thing very much in modern life. If you are a devout Catholic you repeat the rosary, and in many sorts of Buddhist and Hindu meditations a mantra is repeated over and over. There are two reasons for this, usually. One is that the repeated words go directly to God, as prayers do. The other is that repetition fills the mind with a deeper intention that can create a good effect.

I wonder if it isn’t time to consider how words can help to heal. I’ve been fascinated for a long time about how to update traditional spiritual practices, and this one is especially promising.
What can a mere word do to heal?

In ordinary life words can be incredibly powerful, creating instantaneous, often dramatic changes in mind and body. Think of the difference between hearing the words “You’re hired” and “You’re fired.” How many lives have been changed by “I love you”? Yet we actually know very little about how to consciously employ the effect that a single word can have.

Let me make some suggestions for you to ponder:
Withhold harsh words: Being honest doesn’t mean being brutal. In the name of telling the truth, we’ve all heard — and said — things we’re sorry were ever uttered. It’s worth remembering that every cell in your body is eavesdropping on the brain, and when you feel hurt or shocked by what you hear, the same shock is occurring to hundreds of billions of cells.

I became a doctor just on the cusp of a big change in this regard. It used to be that physicians hardly ever told fatally ill patients that they were dying, often withholding even the diagnosis. (When the last emperor of Japan died, he was not told his diagnosis — the old practice still holds in other cultures.) It was thought that receiving bad news could hasten a person’s death and impair his chances of recovery. This effect is known as nocebo, the reverse of placebo. In essence, your body metabolized bad news and becomes sicker, or it metabolizes good news and starts to heal.

Today, we believe it is only ethical to give patients full disclosure about their illness, and on the whole that is the right thing to do. But it doesn’t erase the nocebo effect. Leaving medicine aside, consider withholding harsh, harmful truths in daily life. There is no reason to discourage a child, for example, by saying hurtful things.

It’s well known in psychology that descriptive statements (such as “you’re lazy, you can’t be trusted, you’ll never be as smart as your sister,” etc.) make a much deeper impression than prescriptive statements (such as “pick up your room, remember to come home on time, be nice to your sister” etc.) Sometimes a single derogatory sentence from a parent or close friend can remain stuck in the brain for life, serving as a toxic seed that grows into a belief that one will never be good enough, smart enough, or beautiful enough. It’s much harder to remove these seeds than not to plant them in the first place.

Words that heal: Besides holding back on harsh and derogatory words, saying words that heal really works. Offering reassurance in an anxious situation settles people. Reminding someone that they are loved, respected, and valued should be a habit. Such words serve to bond two people together at a deep level if the words are backed up with simple, sincere, believable emotion — not over-stated emotion but natural feeling. We tend to be shy about exposing ourselves emotionally, but only if you try can you gain the benefit.

Then there are words we say only to ourselves, silent words of healing. In the East there are thousands of such formulas, many gathered under the loose term of mantra, that are repeated in order to infuse the mind with their good effect. You can’t get much effect from repeating a word like love, compassion, kindness, and forgiveness when your mind is agitated or filled with the flotsam of everyday life. But if you deepen your awareness through meditation, which brings one’s attention to a level of silence beneath the surface static, then healing words can have quite a strong effect.

It is taught that healing words, when said at a subtle level of the mind, can do several things. They can purify the mind of negative thoughts by introducing a more positive effect (such as replacing “It’s my fault” with “Blame won’t help anybody”). A healing word can bring comfort; it can add a positive element to your surroundings. It can improve your mood and the overall tone of your demeanor, which others will notice and take heed of.

I’m suggesting that healing words need to play a more important role in our lives. This is a vast territory worth exploring. As a society, we’ve become experts at words that definitely don’t heal: gossip, cynicism, skepticism, accusation, partisan wrangling, smear campaigns, and character assassination. As a result, we know all about the bad effects of such words. Why not consider the positive effect of saying words that work in the opposite way?
Published in the San Francisco Chronicle

32 Keys About Life - Day 32 Meditation

Meditation

Meditation has long been known in Eastern religions as a way to reduce tension and attain peace of mind. There are variations some of which might not be suitable to everyone or if practiced in the extreme. This topic is worth studying if you are having trouble breaking the anxiety and stress habits.

Some basic meditating might easily replace stress and tenseness with peace of mind and relaxation.

An over simplified effort might be:

• Find a quiet place by yourself.
• Get in a relaxed position.
• Rest your eyes downward, almost closed, not tight.
• Breathe slowly and naturally.
• Do not think about anything else except what you are doing.
• Do this for 15-20 minutes.

When lying wide awake in bed, or taking a calming break, try fixing your eyes and thoughts on an insignificant mark on the wall, a small glittery area, or perhaps a shadow. Keep staring at this and think of nothing else. As your eyes wander off bring them back to the object. With practice this will often send you off to a dreamy, peaceful state. (This is not advised while on the job or in the classroom.)

“Meditation has been defined as the cessation of active eternal thought” - Helena Blavatsky (1831-1891)

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32 Keys About Life - Day 31 Health

Health

Professional medical advice should always be a first consideration with a physical or mental problem. There may be a solution to an ailment that could only be determined by a qualified professional.

There are also a wide variety of books written, many by doctors and specialists, that present ideas for self-improving our health. This vast amount of knowledge is worth checking out. A common thread in many self-help books seems to be the enormous effect that our thoughts and attitude have on our physical and mental well being.

“We ought to be more concerned about removing wrong thoughts from the mind than about removing tumors and abscesses from the body.” - Epictetus. (50-138)

Some health problems are more receptive to an improved mental attitude than others. A dependency on street drugs, alcohol, or tobacco, robs most users of their best health. It can be extremely difficult to get rid of the habit disease, but fortunately there is a lot of help. Read books on addiction and other self-help topics, go to support groups such as AA, and talk about it with someone.

You know you’re getting old when people keep telling you you’re looking good. Aging has its special problems, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t take pleasure in it. It can be a time when you are able to say “I don’t care” about certain problems. So many of life’s anxieties and troubles lessen or fade away in later years.

Every season hath its pleasures;
Spring may boast her flowery prime,
Yet the vineyard’s ruby treasures
Brighten Autumn’s soberer time.
- Thomas Moore (1779-1852)

So don’t just sit around watching TV. Get up and about, but relax and don’t rush. Be positive and friendly. Read and learn to improve your wellbeing. Develop and follow healthy eating habits. Sleep well!

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32 Keys About Life - Day 30 Humility

Humility

A certain amount of humility is helpful in moving on through the stages of life. It gives us a realistic approach to interacting with other people in our lives.

Sometimes competing with others or stressing ourselves to prove that we are better, can be a lot of fun and provide enjoyment and rewards. Friendly competition with friends, when all are participating with goodwill, is entertaining. There is a downside in trying to win or achieve more just for the sake of feeling superior to another person. The result can be a loss of much needed self-esteem in the long run.

“There is nothing noble in being superior to some other person. True nobility is being superior to your former self.” - Hindu Proverb

Accepting that we made a mistake puts it behind us, and we can then quit pretending or wishing that it hadn’t happened. We should realize that we make mistakes just as others do, and we will make more in the future. So there’s no need to be embarrassed or worried.

“A man should never be ashamed to own he has been in the wrong, which is by saying, in other words, that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.” - Alexander Pope (1688-1744)

By not acting better or more important than other people we will receive respect and friendship that is so worthwhile. Over-confidence can get us into trouble as we will appear conceited, and prospective friends will be wary. But have respect for yourself and take pride in doing good things.

“He that falls in love with himself will have no rivals.” - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)

A good balance of humility and self-confidence is an ideal way to exist.

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32 Keys About Life - Day 29 Cheerfulness

Cheerfulness

Cheerfulness is a state of mind in which we feel content and confident and are free of stress, anxieties and fear. A prolonged state of being cheerful is happiness.

Cheerfulness is wearing a smile and therefore easy to distinguish. It is usually contagious and will often be returned, so that the positive feelings flow both ways.

“What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity.
They are but trifles, to be sure, but, scattered along life’s pathway,
The good they do is inconceivable.” - Joseph Addison (1672-1719)

It is said that laughter is the best medicine. It is an excellent medicine. When you are low and perhaps feeling sorry for yourself, find something funny to laugh at. You can’t feel really bad and laugh at the same time. Laughter just feels good. When things are a bit sour between friends, what better way to set things right, than to have a good laugh together.

“The most completely lost of all days is that on which one has not laughed.” - Nicolas Chamfort (1741-1794)

We may not feel like smiling or laughing because we have too much upsetting us. This is a condition that we can usually do something about. Since we are happy when we have pleasant thoughts, we can change our thoughts to something that is enjoyable. Sometimes it is difficult when we are in a deep rut but it can be done with practice.

“Thus the sovereign voluntary path to cheerfulness, if your cheerfulness be lost, is to sit up cheerfully and to act and speak as if cheerfulness were already there.” - William James (1842-1910)

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32 Keys About Life - Day 28 Faith

Author: Ken N McIsaac

Faith

Faith is defined as having complete confidence, trust and belief. For a strong and rewarding journey through life we should have a generous amount of faith. Faith in ourselves, our families and friends, our God.

“Have faith, hope, and charity. That’s the way to live successfully.” - 1950’s song.

Believe in yourself, a unique individual having personal preferences and talents. Have a deep belief that your days will be completed as you wish and imagine they will. This has a very strong and positive influence on your actions. It is just the opposite of feeling anxious and worried that you will fail. This is not a guarantee, but an excellent advantage working in your favor, available for every occasion and for life itself.

“It’s faith in something and enthusiasm for something that makes life worth living.” - Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)

Believe in your fellow human beings. They are special people with special problems, different lives and backgrounds, different beliefs. Live by the golden rule, expressed in many different ways in other cultures and religions. That is basically - treat others the way you would like to be treated. A time proven way to feel better about our lives and the road ahead.

Religion has long been recognized as a comforting haven in a stormy environment. It can provide comfort for the harshness and hardships encountered in our modern hectic lives. Faith is of special importance to us when we are down. It picks us up and gives us confidence.

“Religion gives me a new zest for life, it gives me faith, hope, and courage. It banishes tensions, anxieties, fears, and worries. It gives purpose to my life - and direction.” - William James (1842-1910)

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32 Keys About Life - Day 27 Sleep

Sleep

“Sleep that knits up the raveled sleeve of care.”  Easy for you, Shakespeare!

It’s distressing to be completely exhausted and unable to relax and have a good night’s sleep. The more you toss around the more stressed you become and the more you toss around. There are various ways that can help in preventing sleepless nights and it is worth learning more about the problem.

Quietly relaxing in the latter part of the evening is most helpful in preparing for a restful sleep. Exercise is stimulating and if done approaching bedtime might put you in a wide awake state.

Trying to put yourself to sleep seems to have the opposite effect. Instead of clamping your eyes tight, try leaving them open to roam the room. Fixing them on an insignificant object can take even more pressure off. In many cases people don’t need as much sleep as they think they do. If you consider that you could manage well with less, there will be less effort on trying to get to sleep. Removing the necessity will often relax you, make you feel better, and allow you to drift off.

When wide-eyed and thrashing about during the night, sometimes a change of scene and thoughts works. This can be helpful in salvaging a night’s sleep: Get out of bed, have a wash, make a hot non-alcohol drink, and watch TV or read for awhile. Try to enjoy it and don’t rush back. Often in a half to one hour drowsiness comes, with the mind cleared of whatever was buzzing in there. An hour lost from bed could very well be followed with a short but restful night’s sleep.

Alcohol may help you to relax and go to sleep, but it is usually only short term, and the net result is less sleep overall. Most people find that taking nightcaps results in waking up at two or three in the morning, and an alcohol induced sleep is not usually a relaxed sleep.

With a troublesome sleep disorder a very first step might be a visit to your family doctor. There are also a lot of good books that offer suggestions on the subject of relaxation and sleep.

Being free of constant stress and worry during the day and evening is pretty well a necessity for happy living, and for a good night’s sleep. So try to establish a program to reduce your anxieties in life.

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You can buy the full 32 Days from Ken N McIsaac here.

32 Keys About Life - Day 26 Cooperation

Cooperation

Cooperation is an essential ingredient in the plan for a successful and satisfying life.

At work a good balance of friendliness with superiors, peers, and subordinates is very important. It can provide new opportunities as well as an increase in self-confidence and enjoyment of the workday. Cooperation is equally rewarding after hours with casual encounters, friends and family.

By listening and making an effort to see others’ viewpoints, there will be less pressure to perform and tasks at hand will be made easier. Good results will come more naturally. We can hardly learn anything when we are speaking but when we are listening there is a good chance that we will hear something that will broaden our outlook and improve our knowledge. The other person will appreciate your attention and will be friendlier and also more receptive. Everyone should benefit.

“He will succeed if he remains firm in principle and goes beyond selfish considerations to mingle freely with those who do not share his feelings, as well as those who do.” - I Ching

Easy on the criticism! When we criticize others, we make ourselves look bad. When we gossip we imitate the snake and gain just that kind of reputation. Do you trust someone who makes a habit of gossiping? The next time you are ready to criticize, pause for a minute and begin to consider the positives of the person or situation. Perhaps you will change your mind.

“If we had no faults we should not take so much pleasure in noting those of others.” - Duc de Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)

Be friendly and be interested to get ahead and to feel good about life.

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You can buy the full 32 Days from Ken N McIsaac here.

32 Keys About Life - Day 25 Self-esteem

<img src=”http://cachens.corbis.com/CorbisImage/170/20/90/5181/20905181/42-20905181.jpg” hspace=”10″ align=”left”>Author: Ken N McIsaac

Self-esteem

Lack of self-esteem is a fairly common personal trait found in various segments of our society, with young and old. It can hold back our progress, put us under extreme stress, and make us feel generally bad about life.

It may have been building inside us for many years with the aid of bad thinking. Fortunately bad thinking can be replaced with good thinking. Whenever self-doubt creeps in, quickly replace your thoughts with a good image of yourself and your actions.

“A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms against himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it.” - Alexandre Dumas (1802-1870)

Be happy being yourself! It is much better to be you than to pretend to be someone else. We should accept that we are just human beings and forget trying to be perfect in the eyes of others. If those who are not superstars are cast out it will be a very empty world.

“The finest lives, in my opinion, are those who rank in the common model, and with the human race, but without miracle, without extravagance.” - Michel de Montaigne (1553-1592)

Speaking out can be one of the most difficult things to do when bogged down with self-doubt. Some things to consider trying: Stop criticizing yourself. Don’t be too careful about what you are going to say - just say it. Don’t be too critical of others, and let people know that you feel friendly toward them. When you are stuck in a wordless situation don’t worry about it. Relax, smile. Many others are in this boat with you, at other times and places.

Improving our lives in other ways will make it that much easier to improve our self-esteem. Try to eliminate worry, anger and stress by learning more about them. Work on positive enhancements to your life like friendship, relaxation, meditation, and purpose.  As with any serious personal health problem consider consulting a health professional.

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You can buy the full 32 Days from Ken N McIsaac here.

32 Keys About Life - Day 24 Love

Author: Ken N McIsaac

Love

There are various kinds of love with even more definitions of each. One popular version might be described as the desire for two people to spend their lives together, with a continuing compassion for each other through good and bad times.

Joseph Addison (1672-1719) puts it quite nicely this way: “Two persons who have chosen each other out of all the species with a design to be each other’s mutual comfort and entertainment have, in that action, bound themselves to be good-humored, affable, discreet, forgiving, patient, and joyful, with respect to each other’s frailties and perfections, to the end of their lives.”

Of course it isn’t always easy because conflicts about ideas, choices and habits arise. Some of these conflicting situations are easy to overlook while others can be very annoying, upsetting, and continual. Some personal mannerisms of one may never suit those of the other, and compromise cannot always be reached. Parting ways might seem inevitable, but often relaxing and rethinking the whole picture can result in a positive turn.

For example, many difficulties in a friendship, including marriage, can be put to the back by the simple act of resignation. By accepting certain personal conditions as permanent, they will somehow become more acceptable. Eventually the conflicting ideas may not be much of an issue, thanks to resignation. This leaves more room for mutual contentment and fondness.

Has the other’s point of view been considered earnestly? How about a commitment to doing things that are basically unfavorable if it will improve the relationship? What are the other’s favorable traits and conditions that are being overlooked? Nobody has to be perfect!

“If you wished to be loved, love.” - Lucius Seneca (3-65)

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